conviction by calendar

It’s not every day that you get convicted by a calendar.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my spiritual life recently. It’s been pretty average for a few months now and I have neglected a lot of things that I shouldn’t have neglected. I had points where I was OK, after which I would rest on my morals and think ‘that was pretty good Rowena, well done,’ and then slack off again for a while. The conviction has continued to grow and grow until recently I realised the sluggish spirituality I had been experiencing has been pretty much my fault for being lazy, and pretty much just losing interest in my First Love.

There have been a few things that have prompted me to make a change. Firstly, random as it sounds, organising the National Youth Conference. After a bit of discussion, we decided on a theme, ‘Come, My Beloved’ – God. It’s a theme that is revolves around God calling us (His beloved) back into a relationship with Him. When I think of this, I picture myself as a type of Hosea’s wife – a dirty, sinful, selfish, woman who left her husband to prostitute herself, only to be bought back again when no one wanted her and when she was at her lowest point in life. Well, I haven’t exactly prostituted myself and this isn’t exactly the lowest point in my life, but I have strayed from my God – and that’s bad enough. I have been infatuated with the things of the world and have lost interest in the most important things in life. The camp theme has reminded me (like many times before) that God is always there for me and that He is always ready to take my repentant self back.

Second, while teaching Sunday School, one of the lessons that came up was being Loyal to God’s Team (as opposed to my own or the world’s team). Though the lesson was meant for the kids, I knew it was also meant for me too. I had started cheering for the wrong team. I had to get the right colours back on again. This was sometime last month.

Third, seeing a man on the train reading his Bible. Convicted by his devotion, I started reading my Bible again. Hmm, this would have been about last week-ish.

Fourth, having two opportunities to share the Gospel. Doing so lifted my heart and reminded me what a privilege it is to be called a child of God. It reminded me of my own sinful nature and God’s disgust for sin. It reminded me of His unbounded grace, and ceaseless love. It also reminded me of the joy in serving God by being His hands and feet.

Fifth, Regeneration Campfire (as well as other discussions I have had in Regen) just helped confirm with me that spiritually, I’m not really where most others are and that I have fallen behind. Just sitting at the campfire reminded me of the times where I had done so previously with a heart full of devotion to God and full of desire to serve Him. That was... on Friday night.

Sixth, a long lunch at McDonald’s with Truc and Julia. I think just talking about what was going on in my head helped me determine to do something about it. Now that it was out in the open, I couldn’t just not do anything about it – especially not with two watchful sisters who would start checking up on me. Accountability can be a powerful motivator. That was yesterday to be exact.

Seventh, seeing my Regeneration Prayer journal on my desk starting to gather dust. Convicted by the dust, I grabbed it and started praying. That was last night.

And then today, as I flicked through my calendar at work to June 8, I came across some wise words from Oswald Chambers:

What’s next to do?

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them – John 13:17

When you know that you should do something and you do it, immediately you know more. Examine where you have become sluggish, losing interest spiritually, and you will find it goes back to a point where you did not do something that you knew you should do.

It was just a few words from an old dude I don’t know, but they penetrated right through to the squishy bits of my heart. I had been thinking for a while that I needed to get back on track with God, and this was just the push I needed. God is really, truly amazing..