my thoughts on the holy land

What an amazing trip!

Seriously. If you have never been to the Holy Land before, you need to go! It was the most memorable trip of my life. It was a HUGE blessing to go see and experience the places written about in the Bible with my own eyes. We went from Amman in Jordan, to Sinai in Egypt, and then through Israel, before heading back to Amman to fly home.  Now when I read the Bible, the names of places are not just names, visuals come to mind! I've got more of an interest in the maps at the back of my Bible too!

The different religions was one of the things that struck me the most. There are some really misled people in the world who are very devoted to the rituals and traditions and relics that just seem to cloud them from seeing true salvation by faith in Christ. I treasure Sola Fide (by faith alone) a lot more now... I don't have to wake up at 5am to pray like the muslims do. I don't need to spend all day reading the Torah and bending repetitively in front of an old wall. I don't need to journey to an old church to kiss a stone where Christ supposedly was born. God loves me the way that I am because of Christ. There's nothing that I could do that could make God love me more, and there is nothing that I have done that will make God love me less. God knew what He was getting when He paid for me with Christ's blood, and He still chose to go through with the transaction! Amazing love, amazing grace!

So what else did we do?

We climbed Mt Sinai in the middle of the night to watch the sun rise.

We floated in the Dead Sea.

We viewed (through fog!) the Holy Land from Mt Pisgah's lofty height (sweet hour of prayer style)

We hung out at Jacob's Well in Samaria (a la woman of Samaria with Jesus)

We did our QT in the Garden of Gethsemane

We saw a possible site for Golgotha

We went into the old city of Jerusalem

We waded through Hezekiah's Tunnel

We visited Gehenna (aka Hell)

We sailed on the Sea of Galilee

We saw (and ate) hyssop

We saw several conies on rocks (as mentioned in Proverbs)

We saw wild goats (also mentioned in Proverbs)

We visited Dan

We visited Peter's Mother-in-law's house

We went to Tabitha's tomb

We went to Tel Dan (don't ask me what we told him lol)

We rode camels down Sinai

We picked fives smooth stones from the Valley of Elah, but no Goliath was spotted

We saw and got scolded by Pharisees

We went to Nazareth

We went to the land of the Ammonites

We went to Mt Carmel, but we didn't challenge any prophets there (only a group of Nigerians haha)

We saw a recreated Nazareth Village (as per Jesus' time)

We were at Bethlehem for Christmas!

We sang carols in Bethlehem's Manger Square (including Silent Night in Arabic)... on Christmas Eve!

We saw Beth Shemesh (no golden calf tho)

We saw the stony home of the Edomites (Petra)

We hid from Saul in Ein Gedi (we did a good job because he never found us - well we never found him either)

We saw the cursed site in Jericho

We had a squiz at Herod's crib in Masada

We saw a life-sized wilderness tabernacle

We saw the actual Pool of Bethesda, Pool of Silom and the Spring of Gihon

We didn't get baptised in the Jordan River, but we saw it!

We did QT at the Mt of the Beatitudes

We visited the Mt of Olives

We walked the 'Palm Sunday' route

We ate lunch at Caesarea

We ate icecream at Joppa

We did a lot more!

We took lots of photos

We had lots of fun

We made lots of new friends

We learnt many new things

We loved every minute of the Holy Land!

exhale...

Thank God today is over.

For a few weeks now, I have been dreading 22 June. Today was the ominous day of training that I was asked to deliver to managers and supervisors at my work. A room full of people staring at me for three hours - and all bosses! What a nightmare! Public speaking is said to be the biggest source of fear for most people, and I was definitely feeling very jittery. Though I have done it before in my old job, I was quite nervous about today because I am still fairly new at my current job and I still feel as though, I myself am learning. I just didn't feel that I was experienced enough to be training!

Leading up to today, I was about a fortnight ago that there were only three people signed up for the training and that it might not go ahead. That was truly music to my ears and as I thanked God and reassured myself that the training wasn't going to go ahead, a bombshell was dropped about a week later... There was a problem with the registration process and there were at least 24 people coming. I was told that that was some kind of record.  

WHAT?

The disbelief was soon followed by panic that climaxed on Monday night when I couldn't sleep at the thought of doing training in a few days. I went to work tired-as, and went along to the first day of training (which thankfully was delivered by someone else (I just came in for the introduction as I would only have to take over from Day 2)). As I went to the training and waited for the people to arrive, people kept coming, and coming, and coming. In the end, I did a head count of 29 people! *faint*

Now I was really nervous.

Last night, I prayed that God would help me calm down, have a good sleep and do a good job the next day so that He may be glorified. Sure enough, after doing a big clean up of my room (don't know why, but cleaning seems to help when you are stressed) I read my Bible, and had an early night. I slept very soundly and that night I dreamed that I was doing the presentation. I was nervous, but the nerves felt as though they were under control! I woke up feeling excited to do the presentation with a good amount of nervous energy.

One of the things I was taught about Public Speaking was that if you picture yourself doing a good presentation, that would help you actually do a good presentation. At the time I thought that was silly, but I think it might have actually worked!

Even leading up to the presentation itself (which is usually when I start getting nervous) I felt fine. The presentation came and went, and I think it actually went well. Questions were asked, and I was able to answer them! People even came up to me after the presentation to say thanks and give me complements! I was shocked! I got some really good feedback and I walked away feeling very relieved and thankful.

As I realised this afternoon that it was all over, I was full of praise to God! God is so gracious and kind. He knew exactly how to calm me down and He gave me the strength to control my nerves.



massive Mr G.

Tomorrow, my Sunday School lesson is on David and Goliath.

So much fun right? Giant, slingshot, one of the all-time-hall-of-fame-heroes of the Bible, the little fella beating the huge behemoth of a man.

Good times.

It's interesting though, to see how huge Goliath was...

And there went a champion out of the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span 1 Samuel 17:4 

Apparently, 6 cubits and a span equals 9 feet and 9 inches... which equals 297cm. I didn't quite fathom how big this was until I got out a tape measure. Even then, it didn't really hit me until I googled 'tallest man record' and I was introduced to Mr Robert Wadlow...

Yep, that's ol' Robbo. The tallest living male in medical history. Apparently his pituitary gland (which makes growth hormone) didn't really work properly and kept making him grow and grow and grow. Unfortunately, he (and others like him) didn't live very long and he died at the age of 22.

But he wasn't even as tall as Goliath!

Robert Wadlow was only 272cm! Goliath was still taller by like 25cm! A whole ruler length on top of Rob's head!

But the bottom line is, as tall as Goliath was, he was no match for our Almighty God and with one measly stone projected by a red-headed shepherd boy with a slingshot, the towering frame came tumbling down.

How great is our God?!

Explanation coming soon...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

the daily walk

The daily walk continues and I'm currently on a rest day. Yesterday I finished Chapter 10 of Exodus which means I am a quarter of the way through Exodus!

Bible in a Year has been great so far. I was reminded of how much I loved the story of Joseph, the lessons I learnt from Genesis all those years ago in the DHW Bible study series, and am looking forward to continuing the story of Moses tomorrow.

BUT

What keeps looming over me is the inevitable cloud of falling behind or stopping my reading. In some ways it encourages me to keep trying to defy that cloud of failure - but then I am faced with a second cloud of obligation where I dutifully complete my reading  because I am supposed to and not because I want to spend time with God in His Word. The temptation of one is to submit to the other - I try to overcome the failure cloud by making sure I read every day, then I think 'am I doing this out of duty and not devotion?' and then I am tempted to not do it because it becomes seemingly contrived.

SO

What has helped me to find the right heart in doing the reading has been John Piper's IOUS.

Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness (Psalm 119:36)

Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law (Psalm 119:18)

Unite my heart to fear thy name (Psalm 86:11b)

Satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days (Psalm 90:14)

The times when I have remembered to take time to get my heart right before reading, I am encouraged by what I read. Just makes me wonder, will this work when it comes to Leviticus?

Only time will tell. :)

three words

Fighting
Learning
Pursuit

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

cramming for camp

I decided last week that I will go to National Camp in Adelaide this year. Camp goes from 29 November to 3 December, and I booked my airfares on Friday (19 November) - kinda last minute, but I'm glad it's done.

The only thing I have left to do (other than pack) is to do my pre-camp reading of ALL the minor prophets! yowsers! So I have started cramming and doing big chunks of reading to try get through all 12 books. Praise the Lord that they are only minor prophets and some of the books are quite short!

It's funny that they are called minor prophets because what they have to say was pretty major - so far in my cramming, I have noticed common themes along the lines of 'watch out! God has been seeing what y'all been up to and He's not happy - y'all better watch out for the judgement, 'cos God is up-set and He gonna let y'all know about it really soon...'

It's not too often that you come across a solid section of the Bible devoted to God's judgement, so reading chapter after chapter about it has helped me to reflect on God's holiness and my own sinfulness.

It's a timely reminder.

Anyways, I still have heaps to go through so better not waste any more time blogging. Feels like I'm in school again haha!

am I lukewarm and lovin' it?

Watched this sermon on the weekend and it convicted me. Definitely a lot of things to think about here...

like sands in the hourglass of time...

...these are the days of my life.

Tomorrow I will turn twenty seven.

In the past year, I feel as though I have really learned more about myself. Most people may think that as a result of finding out more about yourself, you would have increased in confidence, but I don't believe that has been the case with me.

I think instead, the whole process of 'finding myself' has made me realise the sort of person I really am. And if I am truly honest with myself, that is nothing to be confident about.

In the past year, God has revealed a lot to me about my character, and a lot of it hasn't been easy to take. I fall short of what I should be ALL the time and I have so many flaws in my character that when I dwell on them, it can be really overwhelming... Sins that I struggle with seem to continuously knock me about and I am often tempted to just give up. It's so easy to just get discouraged and not feel worthy to do what you are called to do. SO easy.

But... God has also reminded me Who He is.

Yes, He is omniscient and He know exactly what I do, say and think. Yes, He is perfectly holy, and Him being omniscient, He knows that I am perfectly not holy. Yes, I fall short and constantly fail in my attempts to be better - to be more humble, to have more faith, to be more content, to be kinder, to say nicer things, to show more love, practice more self-control, embrace discipline and authority, be more gracious, be less sarcastic, flee from temptation, read my Bible more, have a better prayer life, to encourage others, evangelise, practice obedience, put away worldly things, be more diligent, and all the rest...

But what gives me joy unspeakable is knowing that though my Heavenly Father knows all that I have done, and all that I ever will do, and though He knows how much I will fail and keep failing to be all that He wants me to be, despite the constant revealing, reminding, convicting that He is gracious enough to give me through His Holy Spirit... He still chose to save me, and He still chooses to give me the chance to be used to bring glory back to Him. God is willing to use me.

This gives me GREAT confidence - not in myself, but in God and His love for me.

I don't know what the future will hold, let alone the next twelve months! But as long as I can look back every year and say that I have learned more from God, and have changed - even if just a little bit - I will be more than blessed.

starts with p and ends with ride

Occasionally there are times where I just feel fragile. I get into this moody, emo state where I get ultra-sensitive, down-hearted and get consumed with a cloud of self-pity. Usually it doesn't take much to trigger such feelings, but small things become huge things and the depressive state begins.

I've had a bit of a think about why this happens to me and I have come to realise it is mainly because of one thing - Pride.

I have never really thought of myself as a proud person (I guess just by saying that I qualify as being proud!) - in the sense that I don't usually look down on people and think I am fantastic. But God has shown me that I am proud in other ways - I get complacent about my spiritual state because hey, at least I'm doing more than just coming to church on Sundays... or I think something that I am helping to plan is going to go really well because of all the effort I'd invested... or I feel as though I shouldn't be treated with perceived antagonism (and so many times it is perceived and not real at all) because I had done nothing to deserve it... or I believe that because I have been obedient, I should have my desires met... or I get discouraged because I had been misunderstood and that an incorrect opinion of me had been formed as a result... or I think my will should be done, and not so much God's will... I could list so many more things.

It's like I have taken the L'oreal commercial too much to heart and I just think that only good feelings should come my way 'because I'm worth it'. But no. The Bible reminds me that what I really deserve is what was given to Christ - nails through His hands and feet, a spear through His side, and suffering beyond anything I could ever imagine.

Isaiah 53:5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Blessings are what they are - blessings. They aren't deserved! They aren't owed to me! They're a pleasant bonus in life. Even if I live my whole life never feeling accepted, loved, valued, included, acknowledged, or I never have any of my desires fulfilled and instead I go through continued trials, tribulations and discouragement - I should be OK with this, because what have I done, really, to deserve otherwise? My flesh keeps telling me what I should have, but the Spirit reminds me what I truly should be given. And man, what a difference there is between the two!

God is showing me that I need to learn to humble myself, and as Amy Carmichael says, I need to die to self...

When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or oversight but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ, that is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinion ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence,that is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, and interruption by the will of God, that is dying to self.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown, that is dying to self.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances, that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart, that is dying to self.

He's changing me, slowly but surely. And though it is a blow to my pride to admit that I have a problem with pride, I'm thankful that I realise this now rather than later in my life!

Please God, continue to mould and shape me. Purge me of my prideful heart and replace it with true humility and confidence in You. Remind me Lord, and help me never take for granted what Jesus' went through for me because of my sin. Help me hate sin as you do. Please Lord, help my faith grow, so that I may trust in You with my whole heart - come what may. In Jesus' name, Amen.

contentment revisited

I heard a message by Elisabeth Elliot today entitled Guide to Contentment. It was a real blessing to me because this is something that I know I have a problem with, but never really knew how to deal with. Well OK, I had SOME idea, and I had made SOME progress, but I know that I still have a LONG way to go.

I took notes along the way and thought I would share them here.

Hope it's a blessing to you!

Contentment
Elisabeth Elliot

1. A Command to Be Still
a. Psalm 131:2
b.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain.

c. What is my Issac? What is the most precious thing in our life that we need to surrender to God?

And shall I pray Thee change Thy will my Father,
Until it be according unto mine?
But no, Lord, no, that shall never be, rather
I pray Thee blend my human will with Thine.

I pray Thee hush the hurrying eager longing
I pray Thee soothe the pangs of keen desire.
See in my quiet places wishes thronging,
Forbid them, Lord, purge, though it be with fire.

And work in me to will and do Thy pleasure.
Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry content my Wellbeloved's leisure,
At last, at last, even as a weaned child.
- Amy Carmichael

2. Teachability (meekness)
a. If we want to learn contentment, we need to be teachable
b. Are we teachable only with some sources?
c. Will we be meek enough to receive counsel from a strange/unexpected source
d. Phil 4:11-13 – Paul was content
e. Recommendation: Daily Strengths for Daily Needs – Mary W Tileston (May 23)

If we wished to gain contentment, we might try such rules as these:--

1. Allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even of the weather.
2. Never picture thyself to thyself under any circumstances in which thou art not.
3. Never compare thine own lot with that of another.
4. Never allow thyself to dwell on the wish that this or that had been, or were, otherwise than it was, or is. God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou dost thyself.
5. Never dwell on the morrow. Remember that it is God's, not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."
E. B. PUSEY.

3. Trust
a. Trust that God knows what He is doing
b. Father, forgiving, fortress, friend, helper.
c. Psalm 16:5 – everything has been assigned by God and planned
d. Psalm 17:13-14
e. God knows our needs and the timing to provide

The Robin and the Sparrow
Said the robin to the sparrow,
“I should really like to know,
Why these anxious human beings
Rush about and worry so.”
Said the sparrow to the robin,
“Friend I think that it must be,
That they have no Heavenly Father,
Such as cares for you and me.”

f. God is not worried about anything! Worry is a sin

4. How much is enough?
a. What is our attitude to earthly possessions? Do we always want more than we have?
b. Numbers 11: 1-6
c. Do we have a complaining spirit?
d. God assigns our portion
e. Clutter is an indication of a refusal to make decisions and reasonable estimates

5. Acceptance
a. This is a spiritual matter
b. Do we have a cheerful, thankful spirit for what God has given us (1 Thess 5:18)
c. Give thanks and be willing to receive what God appoints
d. When thou has truly thanked the Lord for every blessing sent, But little time will then remain for murmur or lament - Hannah More
e. DSDN – Jan 19
f. Acceptance brings peace ‘in acceptance lieth peace’ Amy Carmichael

6. The results: Love, Joy and Peace
a. Simplicity goes alongside tranquility
b. Own less, talk less, don’t be a busybody
c. There are very few things which are my business
d. We make odious comparisons all the time
e. Phil 4:11

my phone is so smart

So I got my new phone a few weeks ago now and it has been pretty impressive so far – does everything except the laundry. I’ve been spending some quality time learning more about the new phone and in the process I feel as though I am becoming more and a more of a nerd. Now when people ask me what type of phone I have, the reply is laced with foreign words such as ‘android’ ‘operating system’ ‘applications’ ‘platform’ ‘GPS’ and ‘megabytes’ – scary stuff.

The phone is not just pretty-looking, it also has lots of great little features. It's a "smartphone" which means it is like a little mini computer - same kinda thing as an iPhone (just a fraction of the price). I can download applications from the Android Market (for all the Apple-tons this is the App Store - only most apps are free here) and so far, I have downloaded everything from the Bible (one of the things I had to have on the new phone, to a personal trainer, to a constellation mapper, to a guitar tuner, to an animal sounds player (very useful and popular with the young kids), to an ebook reader and even a guitar! It's totally cool. On top of that, I can access the Internet, use GPS, play games, sync to my PC, record audio, view documents, and I can even make phone calls! haha

One thing I learnt with the whole phone selection task was to wait on God's timing. Let me explain. I wanted a new phone for a few months now - since maybe October or November 2009, but every time I wanted to get it, Three would not allow me to upgrade yet. Each time, I saw a new phone that I thought would be the one that I was supposed to get, but each time, it just wasn't possible to upgrade. It wasn't until I discovered a deal online for this phone that I knew would be a green light to go ahead - the phone was free on the same cap I was on already, it came with three months of free credit, $100 credit on top, and my bro even found a way for me to get $50 back through some website thing (don't ask me to explain cos I still don't entirely get it myself - something to do with advertising and links or something). You can't really say no to that kind of value.

So I have a new phone now and a few weeks on, I am not having ANY buyer's remorse - which can only be a good thing, especially for someone who is a compulsive impulse shopper.

twenny-ten

Wow. I can't believe we're already more than a week into 2010. It didn't see like it was THAT long ago that I wrote down some resolutions for 2009, and just like that - the year was over. Looking back at my resolutions from last year, I am glad to say that I have somewhat achieved (or at least made a significant effort) most of them. I think my relationship with God has grown, I've read quite a few books (including finishing the Bible!), I've cut down on TV and shopping quite a bit (to the point now, that I can say I don't really watch TV much at all, and that shopping is no longer an addiction - still enjoyed, but I restrain myself too), I tried to pick up piano (and I can kinda play a few songs - albeit slowly with one or two mistakes - no chords yet, baby steps, baby steps!), err the get healthier one - that one kinda didn't eventuate (but I haven't put on any weight - which is good right?).

So I guess that leaves me with setting resolutions for this year. To be honest, I haven't really thought too much about what I want to achieve this year. But last night at Regeneration, we listened to one of my favourite sermons - Five Steps to Genuine Revival by Iain Paisley, and during the discussion that came afterwards, we talked about what we expected for Regeneration in the coming year.

Now Regen is a fellowship group that has been a real blessing to me since I started working and as such I really do love being a part of it. So for me, I really want to see this fellowship group grow in the Lord and for it to be a greenhouse of encouragement. It has changed for the better in the past year with the group becoming (by God's grace) a lot more open, trusting, loving, innovative and a real desire to learn God's Word together and pursue holiness has developed. I really want it to keep developing and as such, I realised (like how the late Michael Jackson realised when he said 'I'm starting with the man in the mirror') that I need to start with my self and try to change some things and enhance other things in my own life.

Firstly, I need to be less selfish and more loving. I need to put others first and deny myself. I need to love sacrificially and not always be focused on attending to my own needs or my own feelings. This, of course, will not happen in one year, but I need to start now.

Secondly, I need to pray more. Genuine pleading on my knees before God, being specific in confessing my sins, praising God for who He is and what He has done, opening my mouth wide and asking Him to do that which is beyond what I can ask or think, praying with faith, specifically. And I want to maintain regular attendance at Prayer Meeting.

I want to get into the practice of spending a day with God. I have never done this before in my whole Christian life and I really want to try.

Regular evangelism and being bold for Christ. I've recently fallen off the horse a little bit with this one, so I really need to get back into it.

Lastly, I want to try find ways to encourage others to learn and memorise God's Word. Some of us sisters have been trying to memorise Proverbs 31:10-31, and I've really enjoyed it. I want to help get others to do similar things to continue to equip ourselves for battle.

I really pray that God will help me with this and hopefully by blogging all the above, there is some kind of accountability for me to keep at it.

'Beloved' He beckons me...

It’s been a while since the last post, but I have been busy busy busy with camp preparation, camp itself, social engagements, work, playing host to interstate campers and preparing for my holiday this week. What a crazy time of the year. Camp was an amazing blessing. The year of preparation was well worth every second and every effort. Though there were times where I was tempted to believe that the labour was in vain, I again learned how much more I need to trust in my ever-faithful God. He truly blessed the camp, and I believe most campers have been impacted deeply in their spiritual walk.

Basic things in every Christian’s life were re-examined in light of God’s love for His people, and Jesus’ love for His bride, the church. I found an all-new appreciation for reading my Bible, singing praises, confessing sins, and prayer.

This camp was unlike any other I had been to. There was a real atmosphere of prayer, honesty, fellowship and a genuine desire to seek a deeper relationship with God. I have never been so moved at a camp before (I don't think I have ever cried so much in a camp) and I think many others can say the same thing.

The camp theme song was so special. Every time I sing it, my heart wonders how God could love me with such an amazing and undeserved love - and it just makes me want to praise Him more and more. It was written by Sister Winnie (so so so talented) and I will share it here:

God's Wonderful Love

by Winnie Ho

How deep and how wide is God's wonderful love
I scarce cannot conceive
He gave His only Son to die for me
A sinner now set free

How faithful and true is God's wonderful love
His compassions never fail
He sees me through life's journey, joys and trials
He comforts and He heals

How condescending is God's wonderful love
The Almighty God cares for me
He chose me in His grace and mercy
"Beloved" He beckons me

How everlasting is God's wonderful love
No beginning and no end
He keeps me safely in His hand
In Him I rest content

CHORUS
O Lord! Such is Your wonderful love!
Have I loved You enough?
Have I lived for You?
Give me the true desire to leave my sinful ways
And to know and love You more each day
And cleave to You always

saying the un-say-able

I often say and do things which I really wish I could make people forget. I occasionally suffer from chronic verbal diarrhoea, where the delayed realisation that I have said or done something inappropriate dawns on me and makes me subsequently wish that I had access to one of these...

Hehe do you remember the neuralyzer from Men in Black?

But I also have the opposite problem (though admittedly this is not as common) of NOT saying things that I probably should. For example, I will see someone with their fly undone and just quickly look away rather than do the kind thing and let them know. In retrospect, it would be much kinder to tell them as soon as I noticed it because it would mean that less people would see and they would subsequently save a bit more face. Not saying anything (on the other hand) until much later, will of course mean that more people will have the opportunity to see the undone fly and the person will not only feel embarrassed that their fly was undone, but they will have the compounded embarrassment of having to fix the problem with more people realising what has just happened.

Early intervention is always the best cure!

Another thing I have a problem doing is letting people know when they have done something that has offended me, caused me to stumble or be discouraged. Though I may have been quite hurt, I tend to just grin and bear the situation, and just continue to stew on it. It's a very unhealthy cycle that I have going on here and I am fully aware of it, but it is something that I know that I need to do something about. By His grace, God has shown me that to leave things unsaid is wrong, and I do believe I am making some progression with this, albeit subtle.

I think my main barrier is the fear I may come across to the person as over-sensitive (which I guess I can be at times) and a hypocrite (because yes, I admit, I would have definitely said things in the past which would have had the same effect on others - or even worse, I could have done the very same thing that was done against me to cause me to be discouraged). Letting someone know their shortcomings is a tough thing to do, but it's biblical.

Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

I just really hope that God will help me to be able to take future wounds inflicted upon me too.

The second part of the verse is very true too - flattery is not only fake and deceitful, it can be a hinderance to spiritual growth too. By saying nice things about someone all the time and never saying anything about their weaknesses, the flattered person gets fooled into believeing that they have no cause for concern and therefore, no need to try improve. Though I love to be complemented (I mean seriously, who doesn't?), if someone is just saying nice things with no reason to do so other than mere flattery or to give you a false sense of friendship - I would rather them not say anything. I'm sure you know of someone who always says nice things to people's faces and then talks smack about them behind their back. Nobody really likes that kind of person.

In the same way, a lot of the time, people don't take criticism well (e.g. talking bad about someone who criticised them), and because this eventually becomes common knowledge, people avoid criticising them. These people end up becoming 'untouchable' but at the same time, will never really know what they could have become if they were to take on board what others say. And let's face it, that's pretty sad.

Though I can be as tough as nails on the outside, I'm often as soft as tofu on the inside. So I really hope and pray that God will show me how to give, take and apply criticism in my life.

I have read the Bible!

After two years, and seven months - I have read the Bible from cover to cover. I'm not sure exactly when I started reading, but that's how long I have been documenting my reading (albeit sporadically). My thoughts? Well, in a way, I am very happy that I can finally say that I have finished reading the whole Bible. I have always felt a bit sheepish as a Christian because I had not read through the whole Bible before. Though it is no sole indicator of how 'good' you are as a Christian (in God's eyes anyway), it was something that I just always felt a bit guilty about. How could I say that I believed the Bible when I hadn't even read through the whole thing?

It had also crossed my mind a few times that if I were to die and meet God, I wouldn't be able to say to Him that I had read His number one best-seller in it's entirety. Not that He would hold that against me, but it would be a bit embarrassing!

I'm also glad that it's all done, because, though I got a lot out of reading the whole Bible, at times (I am ashamed to say) it felt like a bit of a chore. While I was reading some parts of the Bible, my heart was just elsewhere and I just wished I could finish the Bible off quickly so I could go back to my favourite books and study them more instead. There were also other times that other non-Bible books were much more appealing to read because compared to the relatively 'dry' patch I was reading in the Bible, the other book offered either something more practical or entertaining and I subsequently took breaks from my reading scheme. It sounds terrible, but I must admit that is what I was feeling in my sinful heart. I really thank God that He taught me to appreciate even the 'boring' parts of the Bible as they too have valuable lessons that help me to understand who God is and how we should view Him.

But in the end, the biggest lesson I have learned from the reading the whole Bible (in conjunction with the last few months where at church and Bible Study we have been studying the Old Testament books Ezra,2 Chronicles and 2 Kings) is that perspective and context really help aid understanding of God's Word. Reading the whole Bible has given me a wider view of the Bible and all it's events. I still find it absolutely amazing how the Bible is so linked and so interconnected. It has not only made me realise how LITTLE I know about the Bible and how MUCH I have yet to learn, it has shown me in new ways how much God loves us and how constant His love is toward us - yesterday, today and forever.

I think the next step is to read through the Bible chronologically to gain an even better understanding of when stuff happened. Then dig deeper and deeper. I think the rest of my life will never be enough to study the Bible completely, but I will try my best!

lessons learnt

I shared a testimony during the Regeneration Retreat. Thought I would share it here since I typed it all out. Hope it's an encouragement to you - wherever you may be, and whatever situation you may be in...

There have been several turning points and spiritual lessons that I have learnt through the twenty or so years that I have grown up in the church. Though at times, the years were punctuated with discouraging barriers, God has taught me valuable lessons that have helped me to understand more about the God that I serve. Tonight I want to share with you a few lessons that I have learnt (or at least the ones that came to my mind while preparing this testimony). I hope they will be an encouragement to you!

Studies have shown there are significant links between strong emotion and memory, and likewise, for me the strong emotion of exclusion was one that marked my early church years. In those days, my family did a bit of church-hopping and we came to BPCWA irregularly. As a result, I never got to really know the other kids very well, and I always had the feeling that the other kids didn’t like me because I didn’t go to church as often as they did. I don’t know where that belief came from, but I remember just getting an unfriendly vibe from them. I had no sense of belonging and therefore church was a complete drag. I went to church because I knew it was the right thing to do, but I didn’t want to stay there any longer than I had to and I looked forward each week to the time where my parents would say it was time to go home. Essentially, the feeling of exclusion and the longing to belong was where my fear of man would grow from over the next few years.

From Sunday School, my idea of “service” was more to man than it was to God. I learnt my memory verses because I knew that Aunty such and such would ask me for it – don’t ask me what it actually meant, as long as I could remember it as the car turned the corner onto Ullapool Road, I didn’t care too much about what it actually said. I knew it was right to give offering, but my main motivation was because I knew the other kids had a tendency to gossip about kids that didn’t give offering and of course I didn’t want to be the object of their gossip. During Junior Worship, the other kids would giggle and snigger as other kids sang out of tune or in the wrong key, and as a result, I was so afraid to sing out of tune, that I would mouth the words to the songs instead of sing them out loud (Sometimes I still have to remind myself these days that I am singing for God and even if I sing out of tune, He still enjoys it!).

As time passed, I eventually got to know the ‘core’ group of kids better and through spending more time with them, I learnt how to ‘play church’. I learnt how to do and say all the right things. I would hear some of them make judgmental comments about others and make mental notes to myself not to do what that other person had just done. Learn your memory verses, come to church every week, sing in tune, put a coin in the offering bag every week. I had it all under control.

I think it was during my teenage years that I realised the hold that the fear of man had on me. It had affected my friendships, my sense of self, my testimony, my service to and even my relationship with God. Though I knew that God’s love for me was unconditional, I never realised that my understanding of His love for me was diminished by my fear of man. It was through an audio sermon on Proverbs 29:25 (The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.) that I realised how much I feared man and in comparison, how little I feared God.

By God’s grace, at about the same time, God started putting people in my life who were great examples of people who really loved God and who had a genuine relationship with God. I could see it in the way they worshiped, prayed, and talked about God. They didn’t care about what other people thought, they were more concerned with what God thought. I really thank God for bringing these people into my life because it helped me realise that a deeper relationship with God is what I lacked, and I subsequently started to desire this more and more. I started getting more involved in Church. I started evangelising, leading care groups, doing Bible study, reading more Christian books, attending prayer meeting, having true fellowship with brothers and sisters, teaching Sunday School and really delighting myself in the Lord. The more involved I got with things I never thought I could get involved with, the more I realised how the fear of man really brought a snare in my life. Service was enjoyable and I wanted so much for others to get involved more in church too. Most of all, I actually started ENJOYING church! And I even sought out more opportunities to spend time with people in church too. Gone were the days of bugging my parents to take me home from church, now they started saying stuff about how much time I was spending in church!

Though it sounds all very happy and joyful, I should also mention that discouragement came on a regular basis. A few years ago, there was a period of discouragement that knocked the joy out of my service to God. I think at the time, I had just started work, and for various reasons, priorities changed and my world became a darker place. I still kept serving, but the whole time I felt like a massive hypocrite because I knew that my “spirituality” on the outside was a farce. I stopped singing in church because it felt wrong to sing when I was feeling the way I did. I still fellowshipped with other believers, but I was more interested in talking about things in the world than the things of God. Eventually, people started to notice and became concerned for me. I remember one time in particular that two sisters said to me ‘Hey, we’re praying for you OK’ and though I graciously accepted their kindness at the time, I was saying to myself how dare you say you will pray for me. That’s the kind of heart I had at the time – it wasn’t pretty. I knew it, but I think I was just too proud to do anything about it.

However, God heard their prayers and anyone else’s who were praying for me. Not long after that incident, God prompted me to do something that would impact me significantly. After having a bit of a pity party about how much I had allowed myself to change, I wrote a list of all the things I had done against God – all the things I had thought, said and done in the past few months that have angered and upset Him. And then I wrote a list of all the ways that He had responded to me. As I realised the gap between my list of terrible things, and His list of undeserved grace, love and forgiveness toward me, I repented and he truly brought me back to Him. I had a bit of a cry, I thanked God for His perseverance toward me, and I returned to serve Him – this time with a renewed heart full of gratitude and with the knowledge that the God that I serve is One who will always love me and will continue to change me into the woman He wants me to be – He is after all the author and finisher of my faith.

I guess from all of this it has taught me that the more we know who God is, and the extent of His love toward us, the more we will serve Him with all of our heart. He doesn’t deserve any less, but at the same time, when we serve Him with all of our heart, we will experience true blessings from Him and more of His grace to help us to do even greater things for Him. I hope what I have shared was an encouragement to you. May we all continue to serve God with our whole heart and encourage each other to do the same!

counting it joy

So the last few days I've been in a bit of a mood. I realised the other day that I was going to miss out again on an away day at work because they had scheduled the event on a day I couldn't go. Away Days are cool because we don't have to do any work, we get to go for a nice lunch and we get to knock off early! I've missed out so many times before, but this time I couldn't help but feel a little more miffed than usual, because I had been working pretty hard recently, and it just felt as though I wasn't being recognised for my efforts. I prayed that I could go, but it just felt that it wasn't going to happen.

Junk thoughts entered into my head, and as a result I felt discontented, disappointed, unappreciated, excluded, angry, and I even thought how I would take 'revenge' - take time off work as a 'sick day' or look for another job. Yep, junk thoughts through and through. I knew what I was thinking was not right and I just tried to get over it by trying to count it joy despite it not really being joy-worthy.

The song 'Count it Joy' was in my head for the last few days, and every time I was tempted to start mulling over some more junk thoughts I just heard in my head the Wilds Men's Choir Count it Joy Joy Joy, when you're faced with trials and tests - though that's all I could remember, it was enough.

So when I woke up this morning and I had to go to work, as much as I wanted to stay home, I just kept thinking Count It Joy as I got ready. And it really became easier. Every time I thought I had the right to be upset (i.e. when I didn't get a seat on the train because people who got to the train station later than me pushed in front and got a seat - well it didn't really give me the 'right' to be upset, but I still got upset!), God intervened (the lady I was standing next to got off at the next stop, and I got her seat). So I took that as God showing me what I was doing was right in His eyes.

Last but not least, when I got into work today, I found out I was able to go tomorrow to the Away Day after all. I was even told I HAD to go, and prior commitments would be rescheduled! So not only did Counting it Joy help me during my mini trial, my prayer was answered too! So I'm pretty happy and thankful to God.

conviction by calendar

It’s not every day that you get convicted by a calendar.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my spiritual life recently. It’s been pretty average for a few months now and I have neglected a lot of things that I shouldn’t have neglected. I had points where I was OK, after which I would rest on my morals and think ‘that was pretty good Rowena, well done,’ and then slack off again for a while. The conviction has continued to grow and grow until recently I realised the sluggish spirituality I had been experiencing has been pretty much my fault for being lazy, and pretty much just losing interest in my First Love.

There have been a few things that have prompted me to make a change. Firstly, random as it sounds, organising the National Youth Conference. After a bit of discussion, we decided on a theme, ‘Come, My Beloved’ – God. It’s a theme that is revolves around God calling us (His beloved) back into a relationship with Him. When I think of this, I picture myself as a type of Hosea’s wife – a dirty, sinful, selfish, woman who left her husband to prostitute herself, only to be bought back again when no one wanted her and when she was at her lowest point in life. Well, I haven’t exactly prostituted myself and this isn’t exactly the lowest point in my life, but I have strayed from my God – and that’s bad enough. I have been infatuated with the things of the world and have lost interest in the most important things in life. The camp theme has reminded me (like many times before) that God is always there for me and that He is always ready to take my repentant self back.

Second, while teaching Sunday School, one of the lessons that came up was being Loyal to God’s Team (as opposed to my own or the world’s team). Though the lesson was meant for the kids, I knew it was also meant for me too. I had started cheering for the wrong team. I had to get the right colours back on again. This was sometime last month.

Third, seeing a man on the train reading his Bible. Convicted by his devotion, I started reading my Bible again. Hmm, this would have been about last week-ish.

Fourth, having two opportunities to share the Gospel. Doing so lifted my heart and reminded me what a privilege it is to be called a child of God. It reminded me of my own sinful nature and God’s disgust for sin. It reminded me of His unbounded grace, and ceaseless love. It also reminded me of the joy in serving God by being His hands and feet.

Fifth, Regeneration Campfire (as well as other discussions I have had in Regen) just helped confirm with me that spiritually, I’m not really where most others are and that I have fallen behind. Just sitting at the campfire reminded me of the times where I had done so previously with a heart full of devotion to God and full of desire to serve Him. That was... on Friday night.

Sixth, a long lunch at McDonald’s with Truc and Julia. I think just talking about what was going on in my head helped me determine to do something about it. Now that it was out in the open, I couldn’t just not do anything about it – especially not with two watchful sisters who would start checking up on me. Accountability can be a powerful motivator. That was yesterday to be exact.

Seventh, seeing my Regeneration Prayer journal on my desk starting to gather dust. Convicted by the dust, I grabbed it and started praying. That was last night.

And then today, as I flicked through my calendar at work to June 8, I came across some wise words from Oswald Chambers:

What’s next to do?

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them – John 13:17

When you know that you should do something and you do it, immediately you know more. Examine where you have become sluggish, losing interest spiritually, and you will find it goes back to a point where you did not do something that you knew you should do.

It was just a few words from an old dude I don’t know, but they penetrated right through to the squishy bits of my heart. I had been thinking for a while that I needed to get back on track with God, and this was just the push I needed. God is really, truly amazing..

christians are weirdos

As a Christian in this world, you cannot help but feel like a bit of a weirdo. Most things that non-Christians love to do, we view in a completely different way or at least strive to do so. And likewise, most things that we as Christians love, just seem strange to a non-Christian. You just need to contrast what each would do on any given weekend. They are two different kinds of people. But somehow, as Christians, we become the weirdos. But hey, I'm fine with that y'all. :D

Tomorrow, my Sunday School lesson is on Loyalty, and one of the things that i will try to discuss with the kiddos is being on God's Team. It's a hard lesson to learn - because when we choose to be on God's team, we will stick out from the crowd. There's no way we can be on God's team and still be on the world's team at the same time.

This all reminded me of a great quote from AW Tozer:

A real Christian is an odd number anyway.

He feels supreme love for One whom he has never seen, talks familiarly every day to Someone he cannot see, expects to go to heaven on the virtue of Another, empties himself in order to be full, admits he is wrong so he can be declared right, goes down in order to get up, is strongest when he is weakest, richest when he is poorest, and happiest when he feels worst.

He dies so he can live, forsakes in order to have, gives away so he can keep, sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, and knows that which passes knowledge.