like sands in the hourglass of time...

...these are the days of my life.

Tomorrow I will turn twenty seven.

In the past year, I feel as though I have really learned more about myself. Most people may think that as a result of finding out more about yourself, you would have increased in confidence, but I don't believe that has been the case with me.

I think instead, the whole process of 'finding myself' has made me realise the sort of person I really am. And if I am truly honest with myself, that is nothing to be confident about.

In the past year, God has revealed a lot to me about my character, and a lot of it hasn't been easy to take. I fall short of what I should be ALL the time and I have so many flaws in my character that when I dwell on them, it can be really overwhelming... Sins that I struggle with seem to continuously knock me about and I am often tempted to just give up. It's so easy to just get discouraged and not feel worthy to do what you are called to do. SO easy.

But... God has also reminded me Who He is.

Yes, He is omniscient and He know exactly what I do, say and think. Yes, He is perfectly holy, and Him being omniscient, He knows that I am perfectly not holy. Yes, I fall short and constantly fail in my attempts to be better - to be more humble, to have more faith, to be more content, to be kinder, to say nicer things, to show more love, practice more self-control, embrace discipline and authority, be more gracious, be less sarcastic, flee from temptation, read my Bible more, have a better prayer life, to encourage others, evangelise, practice obedience, put away worldly things, be more diligent, and all the rest...

But what gives me joy unspeakable is knowing that though my Heavenly Father knows all that I have done, and all that I ever will do, and though He knows how much I will fail and keep failing to be all that He wants me to be, despite the constant revealing, reminding, convicting that He is gracious enough to give me through His Holy Spirit... He still chose to save me, and He still chooses to give me the chance to be used to bring glory back to Him. God is willing to use me.

This gives me GREAT confidence - not in myself, but in God and His love for me.

I don't know what the future will hold, let alone the next twelve months! But as long as I can look back every year and say that I have learned more from God, and have changed - even if just a little bit - I will be more than blessed.