current reading

Wow, haven't done this in a while!

Well let's see... I'm reading a few books at the moment...

1. How Women Can Help Men Find God by David Murrow - verdict so far? read with discernment, but some good points.
2. A Woman's Choice by Eugenia Price - not far enough into it to comment
3. Faith Beyond Reason by AW Tozer - wow!
4. Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot - easy read so far
5. Be Real by Warren Wiersbe - not far enough into it to comment
6. Book of Psalms - switched to this from Leviticus.. la la laaa..

But I have also recently finished a few other books...

1. Not My Will by Andrew Murray - wow!
2. The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom - wow!!

And I have given up on a few other books

1. The Left Behind Series - might come back to this one day
2. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella, and a book by Marian Keyes - both recommended by a colleague, OK, but just think my time could be used much better

starts with p and ends with ride

Occasionally there are times where I just feel fragile. I get into this moody, emo state where I get ultra-sensitive, down-hearted and get consumed with a cloud of self-pity. Usually it doesn't take much to trigger such feelings, but small things become huge things and the depressive state begins.

I've had a bit of a think about why this happens to me and I have come to realise it is mainly because of one thing - Pride.

I have never really thought of myself as a proud person (I guess just by saying that I qualify as being proud!) - in the sense that I don't usually look down on people and think I am fantastic. But God has shown me that I am proud in other ways - I get complacent about my spiritual state because hey, at least I'm doing more than just coming to church on Sundays... or I think something that I am helping to plan is going to go really well because of all the effort I'd invested... or I feel as though I shouldn't be treated with perceived antagonism (and so many times it is perceived and not real at all) because I had done nothing to deserve it... or I believe that because I have been obedient, I should have my desires met... or I get discouraged because I had been misunderstood and that an incorrect opinion of me had been formed as a result... or I think my will should be done, and not so much God's will... I could list so many more things.

It's like I have taken the L'oreal commercial too much to heart and I just think that only good feelings should come my way 'because I'm worth it'. But no. The Bible reminds me that what I really deserve is what was given to Christ - nails through His hands and feet, a spear through His side, and suffering beyond anything I could ever imagine.

Isaiah 53:5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Blessings are what they are - blessings. They aren't deserved! They aren't owed to me! They're a pleasant bonus in life. Even if I live my whole life never feeling accepted, loved, valued, included, acknowledged, or I never have any of my desires fulfilled and instead I go through continued trials, tribulations and discouragement - I should be OK with this, because what have I done, really, to deserve otherwise? My flesh keeps telling me what I should have, but the Spirit reminds me what I truly should be given. And man, what a difference there is between the two!

God is showing me that I need to learn to humble myself, and as Amy Carmichael says, I need to die to self...

When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or oversight but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ, that is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinion ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence,that is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, and interruption by the will of God, that is dying to self.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown, that is dying to self.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances, that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart, that is dying to self.

He's changing me, slowly but surely. And though it is a blow to my pride to admit that I have a problem with pride, I'm thankful that I realise this now rather than later in my life!

Please God, continue to mould and shape me. Purge me of my prideful heart and replace it with true humility and confidence in You. Remind me Lord, and help me never take for granted what Jesus' went through for me because of my sin. Help me hate sin as you do. Please Lord, help my faith grow, so that I may trust in You with my whole heart - come what may. In Jesus' name, Amen.

contentment revisited

I heard a message by Elisabeth Elliot today entitled Guide to Contentment. It was a real blessing to me because this is something that I know I have a problem with, but never really knew how to deal with. Well OK, I had SOME idea, and I had made SOME progress, but I know that I still have a LONG way to go.

I took notes along the way and thought I would share them here.

Hope it's a blessing to you!

Contentment
Elisabeth Elliot

1. A Command to Be Still
a. Psalm 131:2
b.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain.

c. What is my Issac? What is the most precious thing in our life that we need to surrender to God?

And shall I pray Thee change Thy will my Father,
Until it be according unto mine?
But no, Lord, no, that shall never be, rather
I pray Thee blend my human will with Thine.

I pray Thee hush the hurrying eager longing
I pray Thee soothe the pangs of keen desire.
See in my quiet places wishes thronging,
Forbid them, Lord, purge, though it be with fire.

And work in me to will and do Thy pleasure.
Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry content my Wellbeloved's leisure,
At last, at last, even as a weaned child.
- Amy Carmichael

2. Teachability (meekness)
a. If we want to learn contentment, we need to be teachable
b. Are we teachable only with some sources?
c. Will we be meek enough to receive counsel from a strange/unexpected source
d. Phil 4:11-13 – Paul was content
e. Recommendation: Daily Strengths for Daily Needs – Mary W Tileston (May 23)

If we wished to gain contentment, we might try such rules as these:--

1. Allow thyself to complain of nothing, not even of the weather.
2. Never picture thyself to thyself under any circumstances in which thou art not.
3. Never compare thine own lot with that of another.
4. Never allow thyself to dwell on the wish that this or that had been, or were, otherwise than it was, or is. God Almighty loves thee better and more wisely than thou dost thyself.
5. Never dwell on the morrow. Remember that it is God's, not thine. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."
E. B. PUSEY.

3. Trust
a. Trust that God knows what He is doing
b. Father, forgiving, fortress, friend, helper.
c. Psalm 16:5 – everything has been assigned by God and planned
d. Psalm 17:13-14
e. God knows our needs and the timing to provide

The Robin and the Sparrow
Said the robin to the sparrow,
“I should really like to know,
Why these anxious human beings
Rush about and worry so.”
Said the sparrow to the robin,
“Friend I think that it must be,
That they have no Heavenly Father,
Such as cares for you and me.”

f. God is not worried about anything! Worry is a sin

4. How much is enough?
a. What is our attitude to earthly possessions? Do we always want more than we have?
b. Numbers 11: 1-6
c. Do we have a complaining spirit?
d. God assigns our portion
e. Clutter is an indication of a refusal to make decisions and reasonable estimates

5. Acceptance
a. This is a spiritual matter
b. Do we have a cheerful, thankful spirit for what God has given us (1 Thess 5:18)
c. Give thanks and be willing to receive what God appoints
d. When thou has truly thanked the Lord for every blessing sent, But little time will then remain for murmur or lament - Hannah More
e. DSDN – Jan 19
f. Acceptance brings peace ‘in acceptance lieth peace’ Amy Carmichael

6. The results: Love, Joy and Peace
a. Simplicity goes alongside tranquility
b. Own less, talk less, don’t be a busybody
c. There are very few things which are my business
d. We make odious comparisons all the time
e. Phil 4:11

shazam!

A cool little application I found on my phone is called Shazam. It's a program that listens to a few sesconds of a song and then tells you the song title, artist and album that it comes from. Too cool. I've been using it to tag different tunes I hear and most times it has been pretty good! Even when there is quite a bit of background noise, it still knows!

I've said it before and I'll say it again - my phone is smart :)

my phone is so smart

So I got my new phone a few weeks ago now and it has been pretty impressive so far – does everything except the laundry. I’ve been spending some quality time learning more about the new phone and in the process I feel as though I am becoming more and a more of a nerd. Now when people ask me what type of phone I have, the reply is laced with foreign words such as ‘android’ ‘operating system’ ‘applications’ ‘platform’ ‘GPS’ and ‘megabytes’ – scary stuff.

The phone is not just pretty-looking, it also has lots of great little features. It's a "smartphone" which means it is like a little mini computer - same kinda thing as an iPhone (just a fraction of the price). I can download applications from the Android Market (for all the Apple-tons this is the App Store - only most apps are free here) and so far, I have downloaded everything from the Bible (one of the things I had to have on the new phone, to a personal trainer, to a constellation mapper, to a guitar tuner, to an animal sounds player (very useful and popular with the young kids), to an ebook reader and even a guitar! It's totally cool. On top of that, I can access the Internet, use GPS, play games, sync to my PC, record audio, view documents, and I can even make phone calls! haha

One thing I learnt with the whole phone selection task was to wait on God's timing. Let me explain. I wanted a new phone for a few months now - since maybe October or November 2009, but every time I wanted to get it, Three would not allow me to upgrade yet. Each time, I saw a new phone that I thought would be the one that I was supposed to get, but each time, it just wasn't possible to upgrade. It wasn't until I discovered a deal online for this phone that I knew would be a green light to go ahead - the phone was free on the same cap I was on already, it came with three months of free credit, $100 credit on top, and my bro even found a way for me to get $50 back through some website thing (don't ask me to explain cos I still don't entirely get it myself - something to do with advertising and links or something). You can't really say no to that kind of value.

So I have a new phone now and a few weeks on, I am not having ANY buyer's remorse - which can only be a good thing, especially for someone who is a compulsive impulse shopper.

post-vacation blues

Since coming back from holiday on Monday last week, I've had this unrelenting desire to do something. I think I was just too spoilt while travelling and I have become used to eating out, discovering new places, meeting up with people and just being on-the-go all the time. So coming back to sleepy Perth has taken a bit of adjustment. At the same time however, I really do appreciate being back home, having my wardrobe back (and not living out of a suitcase), sleeping in my own bed with my own pillow, having a decent shower (what is up with showers in hotels these days?? no water pressure!), and being with my family and friends. I guess I am pretty blessed. I'm also grateful that I live in the relatively unpopulated Perth where the weather is nice, the streets are clean, people are courteous (and conscious of hygiene), smoking is minimal, pollution is unheard of - my own little comfort zone :)

twenny-ten

Wow. I can't believe we're already more than a week into 2010. It didn't see like it was THAT long ago that I wrote down some resolutions for 2009, and just like that - the year was over. Looking back at my resolutions from last year, I am glad to say that I have somewhat achieved (or at least made a significant effort) most of them. I think my relationship with God has grown, I've read quite a few books (including finishing the Bible!), I've cut down on TV and shopping quite a bit (to the point now, that I can say I don't really watch TV much at all, and that shopping is no longer an addiction - still enjoyed, but I restrain myself too), I tried to pick up piano (and I can kinda play a few songs - albeit slowly with one or two mistakes - no chords yet, baby steps, baby steps!), err the get healthier one - that one kinda didn't eventuate (but I haven't put on any weight - which is good right?).

So I guess that leaves me with setting resolutions for this year. To be honest, I haven't really thought too much about what I want to achieve this year. But last night at Regeneration, we listened to one of my favourite sermons - Five Steps to Genuine Revival by Iain Paisley, and during the discussion that came afterwards, we talked about what we expected for Regeneration in the coming year.

Now Regen is a fellowship group that has been a real blessing to me since I started working and as such I really do love being a part of it. So for me, I really want to see this fellowship group grow in the Lord and for it to be a greenhouse of encouragement. It has changed for the better in the past year with the group becoming (by God's grace) a lot more open, trusting, loving, innovative and a real desire to learn God's Word together and pursue holiness has developed. I really want it to keep developing and as such, I realised (like how the late Michael Jackson realised when he said 'I'm starting with the man in the mirror') that I need to start with my self and try to change some things and enhance other things in my own life.

Firstly, I need to be less selfish and more loving. I need to put others first and deny myself. I need to love sacrificially and not always be focused on attending to my own needs or my own feelings. This, of course, will not happen in one year, but I need to start now.

Secondly, I need to pray more. Genuine pleading on my knees before God, being specific in confessing my sins, praising God for who He is and what He has done, opening my mouth wide and asking Him to do that which is beyond what I can ask or think, praying with faith, specifically. And I want to maintain regular attendance at Prayer Meeting.

I want to get into the practice of spending a day with God. I have never done this before in my whole Christian life and I really want to try.

Regular evangelism and being bold for Christ. I've recently fallen off the horse a little bit with this one, so I really need to get back into it.

Lastly, I want to try find ways to encourage others to learn and memorise God's Word. Some of us sisters have been trying to memorise Proverbs 31:10-31, and I've really enjoyed it. I want to help get others to do similar things to continue to equip ourselves for battle.

I really pray that God will help me with this and hopefully by blogging all the above, there is some kind of accountability for me to keep at it.