modesty - is it do-able?

The topic of modesty came up recently. A few of the sisters and I were supposed to be doing something else but while sitting around, we got talking about modesty, clothing and the like. The thing is, that everyone has their own opinion about what is modest and what is immodest - and things like temperature, style or cut, materials used, culture and of course fashion, all have their influence on where the line is drawn for each person.

A while ago, I was looking at the Bob Jones University website and I came across a dress code for the students. I thought it would be worth sharing the women's dress code seeing as it has proven to be a controversial topic. I think these guidelines are fairly reasonable, but I will make a few comments after.

Dress Code for Women
Classroom/general dress consists of a dress or top and skirt; however, pants may be worn for some recreational activities. Shorts may never be worn outside the residence halls and fitness center.

Tops
• Tops must be long enough that the midriff is never exposed.
• Sleeves are required. (Sleeveless tops and dresses may be worn with a sleeved blouse, jacket or sweater underneath or over top.)
• Necklines may come no lower than four fingers below the collarbone.

Skirts
• Hemlines and slits or other openings should never come higher than the bottom of the knee.
• Denim skirts may be worn for casual dress (not to class or other professional-type events).

Pants
• Loose-fitting pants may be worn between women’s residence halls, for athletic events, and to homes in the area.
• Loose-fitting jeans may be worn in and between women’s residence halls and when participating in activities where the durability of the fabric is important, such as skiing and ice-skating.
• Low-riders are not permitted.
• Shorts may be worn only inside the residence halls and fitness center.

Ease
• All dresses, skirts, pants, and shirts must be loose-fitting, having a minimum of three inches of ease at bust and hips.
• An informal way to measure ease is to stand up straight and pinch the loose fabric on both sides of the hips or at the bust line. Without stretching the fabric, there should be at least a 3/4-inch fold of fabric on both sides.

Other
• Sheer clothing may be worn only when the garment underneath conforms to normal dress regulations.
• Hose must be worn whenever men students are required to wear a coat and tie (including Sunday morning worship services, recitals and productions after 6 p.m., Bible Conference and commencement activities).
• Combat boots, hiking boots or shoes that give this appearance are not permitted. Leather sandals, including those with a strap between the toes, will be permitted at times when women are not required to wear hose. Flip flops made of rubber, plastic, etc., are not permitted in public.
• Hairstyles should be neat, orderly, and feminine. Avoid cutting-edge fads and cuts so short that they take on a masculine look.
• Students are not permitted to get tattoos. Excessive makeup is not permitted. Earrings may be worn only in the lobe of the ear (maximum of two matched sets). All other types of body piercings are prohibited.

I'm not making excuses (maybe I am) but the availability of clothes that fit this standard are well, not plenteous. For example, hipster jeans are pretty much the only cut you can get without going to the extreme of high-waisted jeans (that look terrible on everyone except for Mischa Barton) or going to an auntie shop and buying waist cut jeans that make your butt look twice the size it really is. In the shops nowadays, it's hard to buy stuff without looking frumpy, preggers, fat or shabby. Some of the stuff you look at and just think - not in a million years! But I reckon it can be done - you just need to put the effort in.

OK everyone has seen those certain girls walking up and down the street with their short-hemlines and their lady-lumps displayed for the world to see. We know, they are definitely being immodest, no protests there. These girls dress to get a reaction (and thats exactly what they get!). But as a result, they cheapen and tarnish the reputation for the rest of the female gender. It makes me so sick when I see nastily-clad girls walking down the street with either their boyfriend's hands or random guys' eyes all over them. Where's the self-respect? It's pretty clear that this is what we don't want to be - eeeeeww...

But for those of us who go to the effort of layering, altering, belting, covering etc, we have to know that we can still get the same reactions from guys (sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly) - but it's just not as obvious (I reckon if a guy wants to lust at you, even if you wear a potato sack and stand behind a brick wall, they will always have their imagination! hahah Sorry guys, but it's true though right?). I understand that clothes can be a stumbling block to guys but I honestly believe that for girls, this is on the most part unintentional. I really think that when girls get dressed, they do so to impress other girls. A girl is more concerned about approval from other girls than trying to catch the eyes of guys (though there are always going to be an exception to the rule). Think about it, when we go shopping (where there are mainly girls and hardly any guys) we make sure we look good before we step out into the shops!

I think that's why in church when girls have been taught the importance of modesty in their dress, it is usually more likely that they will adhere to such standards. It is usually the fear of man (or more woman) that motivates them to do so more than anything else. Why do I say so? Because I reckon that is MY main motivation. Often I will change what I am wearing because I am fearful of being thought of as skanky or immodest by other girls. The thought of what guys would think rarely even crosses my mind!

But that is the wrong motivation. I should be more concerned about what GOD thinks of my outfit than anyone else. Does what I wear glorify God? Am I being a good representation of a daughter of God? When I think about things in this light, the issue seems a lot clearer to me.

I have had a bit of a think about it and have come up with the following...

In the end, a woman is God's creation, made to be different to man - so I don't believe we are supposed to look like men - we need to look FEMININE. That means dresses, skirts, feminine cuts and styles, accessories, long hair or feminine short hair, heels and other nice shoes, that kinda thing.

Secondly, as God is King of kings and Lord of lords, we as His daughters (princesses!) need to look PRESENTABLE so we should be wearing clothes that FIT us (not too tight, not too loose - how many princesses wear potato sacks?) but are still modest (i.e. not too short, not too low).

And lastly, we shouldn't try to draw too much attention to our appearance (I reckon this includes spending too much time on our appearance and talking about other people's appearances because ultimately this encourages us to focus on what we look like) because we should be working on our INNER BEAUTY instead - becoming virtuous women (Proverbs 31), loving others, increasing our understanding of who God is and making this known to others, reading, praying, serving, encouraging. Ladies, just remember that guys who dig hot girls with no brains are gonna be the guys that aren't worth your time and effort anyway!

And for the brothers out there - remember 1 Timothy 5:2 says to intreat younger women 'as sisters with all purity'. So keep a guard on your thoughts and keep the communication channels open to the sisters about what you do and don't think is appropriate - we will try to listen (you must understand that it is a sensitive topic!)

I am sure there is a lot of room for improvement on this post - I don't consider myself to be an authority on this topic AT ALL, these are only MY opinions, so if you don't agree, no sweat, I won't hate you! - so feel free to comment. But in the meantime I will leave it here for now.