There are 3 essential habits of Christian Character - we must have all three to develop Christian Character. Character is important within the marriage context because the quality of a marriage is dependent upon the quality of character of the participants.
THE HABIT OF RESPONSIBLE DECISION
I am authorised to choose
- we always have a choice - God gave each of us free will
- there is always a choice I can make to please God
- Choices reflect what I am
----> law of the tea bag: hot water (trials) merely draw out of the teabag what is already in it
- Choices always determine what I will become
----> whatever we sow, we will reap
I am accountable for my choices
- if good, I can rejoice
- if evil, I can repent
- credit card illustration
If we have a Company Credit Card we are authorised to make transactions - as long as they will be beneficial for the company. We can make the wrong decisions, but we will be accountable for what we purchase. In the same way, we have a free will given to us by God and are authorised to make choices - as long as they will be for God's glory. We can use our free will to sin, but we are accountable for whatever we do.
- talking to someone who has done wrong about their sin is not going to get them in trouble - they are already in trouble! Accountability gets people out of trouble and involves:
----> reconciliation
----> restitution
----> restriction
----> radical amputation
The result of the habit of Reasonable Decision: HOPE!
THE HABIT OF PASSIONATE DEVOTION
"You are not ready to live until you know what you want written on your tombstone"
Character cannot be developed without a passionate sense of purpose and mission
Gratitude-driven Life
- love for God is motivated by an understanding of His love for me
- we cannot do anything that will increase or decrease God's love for us
- God knew what He was buying when He bought us (all our sins that we would ever commit) and He still chose to buy us!
- our works and holiness will not compel God to love us any more than he already does.
- example of artwork of a child
When a child brings home a piece of art, the art itself (though completed with great effort from the child) will not make the father love the child more. Our efforts at holiness, likewise, will not make God love us more. His love is already perfect and unchanging.
- love for God is maintained by:
----> continual confession of sins
----> continual meditation on His love for us (we don't need to be theologians to meditate on God's love, we just need to know what we are forgiven (and what we have been forgiven from)
God-centred Life
- affects the way I view sin (Romans 2:1-2), service (2 Corinthians 5:14-15) and security (1 John 4:18)
The result of the Habit of Passionate Devotion: PURPOSE!
All we can do when we realise what God did for us is to serve Him forever!
THE HABIT OF SUSTAINED DISCIPLINE
Subordinated Effort
- be SPIRIT controlled (instant obedience to initial promptings of God's spirit) as opposed to self-controlled
- subordinated to His person and His principles
Sustained Effort
- requires meditation on the purpose
- and repetition of the principles
----> remind each other what God says
The result of the Habit of Sustained Discipline: ENDURANCE!
It is important to make sure your spouse will be someone who does not need to be jump-started to develop their character. They need to self-starters, and not dependent on encouragement.
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