contentment

I find myself listening to a lot of music and reading a lot of books that say that Jesus is all that we need and with Him alone, we have everything. And every time I hear these songs, or read these books, I find myself agreeing and saying Yeah, that's right! Jesus is all that I need and all that I want - what more could I want? what is even worth wanting other than a relationship with Christ?! And pretty much a few minutes after thinking that I will be lying in bed, sitting on the bus, sitting at my desk at work, walking along the road, driving my car, doing my thing and thinking about all the things that I want and how they will make me happy: buying something, eating some good food, starting a relationship, getting a job promotion, losing some of my muffin top =)... And then I feel bad that I can't even be content with just God for longer than it takes to finish listening to the song, or reading the chapter of the book /Bible.

Isn't that shocking? What makes me feel the worst is that God knows my thought life too and He therefore knows that despite my profession of love for Him and Him alone, I really am cheating on Him by wanting all these other things too. Dunno how He finds it in His heart to keep forgiving me and wanting to keep loving me... I wouldn't tolerate that kind of hypocrisy any day. But God is God and I am me.

Again, I don't really know how to find full satisfaction in God alone, but I guess it has something to do with realising that the things that distract me from my relationship with God are really (most of the time) from God - and it is totally wrong to love the gift more than the Giver. That's the problem with my mind, as I have shared in previous posts, I am one forgetful soul, and I find that the things I have 'learnt' and subsequently share with others, I will usually be telling myself as well because I need to be told again and again and again. The Lord knows that He will never be done with this soul until she is in Heaven with Him.

It reminds me of the song 'He's Still Working on Me' which goes like this:

There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
'Don't judge me yet, there's an unfinished part'
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hand

He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just His word to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How lovingly and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

In the mirror of His word, reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me;
But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

I find great comfort in knowing that God is the author and finisher of my faith and that I am one of His works of art. He knows exactly what He wants to do with me, and what He wants to turn me into and I find that really exciting! Who better to mould and shape me than the One who put the stars in the sky and the One who holds the universe in His hand?

Jesus plus nothing equals everything!

my little reading hole

I decided about one month or so ago that I was going to rearrange my room to make it more livable and in the process I ended up with a little hole of nothing between my desk and my wardrobe - it looked a bit odd and I was a tad disappointed that after all my lugging of furniture, there was a big ol hole. It was not until I realised that one thing that I had been meaning to do more of this year was to read the Bible more and to get back into reading spiritual books. So I decided to convert my hole of nothingness to my hole of reading. It's not that glamarous, and it has a dumb name that I only thought of 5 minutes ago, but I like it. I started using it for the first time tonight and it was great!

Now that I have a place for it, I quite like reading. My dad has always encouraged me from a young age to read and I think when I was younger I used to read quite a bit. But in recent years I have read less and in the past year, I think I have hardly read at all. I'm kinda bad tho, because I start reading like 10 books and never finish any of them. Right now, I'm alright - I have about 5 books going and the Bible - and in the Bible I am reading through Matthew only, rather than trying to read several books at a time (it gets confusing when you do this!)

that's my hole!

My hole is equipped with a comfy beanbag, a little side table, books, Bible, journal and pens/highlighters. Hopefully it will continue to be a reading hole and not the dust-covered hole of neglected-reading.

me and my big mouth

In church today, Pastor Ed said some things in his sermon that were pretty convicting for me... The first thing he mentioned was complaining - uh oh! He talked about how in Bob Jones University, there is a no-complaining policy where students were not allowed to complain about anything on campus - so if the food they ate was bad, or if they didn't like the way something was run, they were not to complain about it and instead be thankful. This part of the sermon really convicted me because I reckon I tend to whinge and complain quite a bit. So that will be quite a challenge for me to really be thankful more instead of complaining. God will definitely have to intervene on that one - He has a lot of work to do!!

The other part that convicted me was when Pastor Ed said that we ought to be watchful of the things we say... He said, when we are about to open our mouth to say something, we should ask ourselves 4 questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary? and
4. Is it glorifying to God?

After a brief self-analysis, I have to say that if I was to truly put that into practice, I would not have much to say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like a totally whingey, mean and gossipy person (at least I honestly don't think I am), but I do find that a lot of the things I say are not necessarily glorifying to God and not necessarily necessary either. Even when we were in the car later, I remember I had a conversation with Adrian (my bro) which went something like this:

Rowena: saying something (I can't remember what)
Adrian: was that necessary?'
Rowena: shut up Adrian
Adrian: was that kind?
Rowena: another poorly thought out comment - probably slightly derogatory to Adrian
Adrian: was that true? and was that glorifying to God

So I had essentially failed to put any of that message into practice and had failed the test immediately after being taught! Once again, God has heaps of work left on me to do!

Elisabeth Elliot once said:

When men talk too much, sin is never far away; common sense holds its tongue

Some other wise words from a certain bunny named Thumper to a certain fawn named Bambi come to mind:

If you can't say nothin nice, don't say nothin at all

It is definitely a difficult thing to tame the tongue. In the Bible, James says it best when he describes the tongue as something along the lines of an 'unruly evil full of deadly poison'. There is a sermon by Greg Mazak that deals with the topic of the tongue very well, and in that sermon, he says that what we say is a reflection of what is in our hearts. So really, when I look at myself and see the types of things that I say, I can see that I seriously need to fix up some things in my heart as a starting point.

I really admire those brothers and sisters in church and even non-Christians who are so good with what they say - these are the types of people who would never say a bad thing about anyone else and who seem to always see things positively. Of course, some of these people may be either naive or fake, and may be purposefully putting up a goody-goody front for show. But those who are truly genuine are so awesome - and I have so much respect for them (there are some people like that - believe it or not!). Of course we all slip up once in a while, but the important thing is that we keep trying. If God is never going to give up on us, then we should definitely keep trying to help Him help us!

Better leave it there... I'm afraid if I say anything more it will be unecessary!

something from a wise old saint...

I bought this book today called 'The Confessions of Saint Augustine' and started reading it on the bus on the way home from work. One part of the first chapter really made me think and I read it over and over again. My deduction so far? Augie was a wise old saint... I have typed it out below:

You cannot change, yet You change everything.

You are never new, yet never old.

You make all things new, yet conquer the proud with old age before they know of its approach.

You are ever working, yet ever at rest.

You are still gathering yet You lack nothing.

You are still supporting, filling, overspreading; still creating, nourishing, and maturing; still seeking, although You have all things.

You love without yearning, are jealous without bitterness; share our regret without self-reproach; express anger without losing serenity.

When all others fail to propose, Your purpose remains unchanged.

You receive what You found yet had never lost.

You are never in need yet rejoice in what you gain.

You never covet yet exact excessive payments, so that You may owe.

Yet who has anything that is not already Yours?

You pay debts when You owe nothing, but in remitting debts You lose nothing.

miss mauds

mezza getting harrassed by the piano guy

way too full from miss maud smorgasbord right now...

we went there today for mezza's birthday and as usual, the Asian in me came through and I pigged out big-time. If it weren't for the fact that the oysters were really not that fantastic, I think I would be even more sickly right about now - so thank God! haha

gasbagging

I love a good gasbag... Those who know me will know that when I am feeling up to it, I can talk til the cows come home. According to 'the NEO' I am pretty low on the domain for 'agreeableness' which means I don't always agree with what people say. Some might reckon thats a bad trait but I think it has allowed me to really think about things and accept things to be true or agree with things only when I believe them to be true - rather than believing or agreeing with people because I don't have the guts to disagree. I dunno, maybe I'm just a right cow - dude... I hope not!

Anyway, I don't really know why I posted this up, I guess it's cos recently I have been really seeking out to have real deep conversations with people and since I haven't really been able to move beyond the realm of talking rubbish, I thought I would have a deep and meaningful all by myself hahah..

On another note, I really love this song by Brooke Fraser called 'Faithful'. It's on her new album, Albertine, which I reckon is pretty great... the chorus goes like this:

When I can't feel You,
I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You,
I know You will hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You, maybe I'm made more faithful

cool change

I love this weather!

Boots, scarves, stockings, coats, gloves, beanies, uggies, flannelette PJs, oats for brekky, hot chocolate, heaters, reading indoors, hugs from mum to keep warm, fog coming out of your mouth when you talk, rain pitter-pattering on the roof, thunderstorms, hot comfort foods, doonas, bed socks, winter trees, hot water bottles, coffee, open fires, umbrellas, driving through huge puddles of water, hail, freezing cold mornings, hands in pockets to keep warm...

well maybe it's not quite cold enough yet for a lot of the above, but still.. winter is coming and i am SOOOOoooOOOOOooooOOO excited! I love it!