Tomorrow I will be off to my church's Bible Conference.
People have been asking me if I feel excited about the conference and at first my automatic answer to them was 'not really'. I guess at the time, I wasn't really looking forward to it because I wasn't that sure that it was worth me taking time off work to attend the conference. My hesitations came mostly because all the talk about the conference seemed to be about what people wanted to do in their free-time and how much tennis and volleyball they could play. That didn't really appeal to me - not because I don't like sports (because I do love sports), but because that kind of thing can be done while I am still working - i.e. I don't have to (and wouldn't usually) take leave to do things like that.
So yeah, I was kinda regretting the decision. But then I had a chat to Truc and she basically said that the conference will be what I make it to be... I will get out of it what I put in basically - so I decided that this coming week will be my time of spiriutal rest and relaxation.
My spiritual life has been a bit dodgy for about a year now. Ever since I started working I have slipped further and further away from God and have relly struggled in getting back to a close relationship with Him - I feel as though I am far from it still. I think around my Birthday last year, I had a bit of a spiritual check-up with myself and started to take some active steps in getting right with God. In December we had camp, which was a good spiriutal boost for me, but in the recent months, I have found that I have started to slip away again. It frustrates me when I see myself like this, because I not only feel like a hypocrite in church and stuff, but I also feel like I am treating the God who loves me and cares for me like dirt. And I hate that.
So I think tomorrow (or should I say later today), I will use the time at the conference to get right with God once again and put together a plan to keep right with Him. I have put together my little pack of things to work through like:
my Bible
highlighters and pens for my own study
books - I am taking some of the ones I am trying to read through as well as...
a book by wayne mack - which is a collection of biblical counselling homework sheets that I can use for reflection
one of my many unused journals for writing down thoughts and things learnt
my guitar
my mp3 player loaded with sermons and songs
walking shoes and
chocolate (hehe)
I just want to thank God also for giving me caring brothers and sisters in Christ who have noticed that I haven't been my true self for a while and who have been praying for me. There was a time last year where I got upset when people told me they were praying for me (at the time I got offended and even angry - I tried to hide this, but I think it came through sometimes too). So if you have been praying for me, and I have been a right cow back at you, thankyou so much and I am so sorry!
I do really want to get right with God again. I know that going to the conference isn't going to be an instant fix, but I am sure it will be a start - so I am glad to say that I am now looking forward to the conference and using the time to hang out with my Lord and God, whilst checking out His beautiful creation!
I should also mention that we are going to go to Albany after the conference with my rellies, so if anyone reads this, please pray that they will have the faith to believe in God.
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