current reading

Bible - Job & Mark

(I've decided to stick to one book from each testament at a time - small steps hehe)

The Confessions of St Augustine - St Augustine

I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Josh Harris

The Path of Loneliness - Elisabeth Elliot

insomnia

I have always been a bit of a light sleeper. Pretty much all throughout uni, I have had trouble sleeping and had been waking up tired on most days. When I started working, I think the routine of work had really helped me to establish healthier sleeping habits (regular sleeping and waking times) and I had been sleeping heaps better as a result.

But in the past few weeks, I think pretty much since the Bible Conference, I have had difficulty sleeping once again. And I really don't know why. It's like I have forgotten how to fall asleep - sounds strange hey? I find that my mind keeps thinking about all these random things (which I can't even remember what they were) and the next thing I know, the birds have started chirping outside and it's nearly time to get out of bed!

It's frustrating because for the rest of the day, I feel absoultely knackered and I have no energy. Lack of sleep is not very fun at all. When I talked to a few people about this, they pretty much all told me that maybe it's because I haven't been fully casting all my cares, worries, fears and burdens onto God to take care of and instead, have been holding onto them for myself to worry about. I think there might be some truth to that, and I have seriously been trying to do that, but I can't help but think that my lack of sleep is some kind of test from God. Maybe its cos I have been reading Job - I dunno.

Last night, I had a bit of a break through. Yesterday I felt like crap and I was absolutely at my wit's end with not being able to sleep for the last few weeks. I prayed that night something like:

OK God, It's been a while since I have had a good night's sleep, and You and I both know that it's getting pretty hard to function. If I am still holding on to any problems, cares, worries or fears, please take them from me and give me the courage to let go. Please give me just a bit of sleep tonight, and please make whatever sleep You give me enough to deal with tomorrow.

I had difficulty sleeping for a few hours (no surprises there), but instead of just laying there, I got out of bed, sat at the computer and did some formatting on the Sola Fide newsletter (my church's youth's newsletter) for about an hour. After that I went back into my bed and I seriously just nodded off! I still remember how to sleep - yay! =) Thank God! Today I still felt a bit tired, but I felt heaps better.

The whole incident reminds me of the verse in the Bible that says:

There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

In other words, God knows our limits and will always prepare a way out of the tests He puts us through. I also reckon that through these tests, He is building our character too. I know that I for one, will be less likely to take the blessing of sleep for granted from now on, and the next time someone tells me they have difficulty sleeping, trust me when I say, I will totally be able to relate!

Job

I just started reading Job today.... I'm only a few chapters into it but initial thoughts: MAN! Job had it tough!! The next time I'm feeling down, depressed and sorry for myself, I will have a read of the first few chapters of Job cos I don't think it could ever get worse than that! I love how Job, after losing absolutely everything, can still praise God! What an inspiration... I have put up a few Job cartoons from Reverend Fun - hope they make you chuckle =)

Matthew

I have been trying to read through the whole Bible in the last year or so (went through a period where I didn't really read much at all so that's why it's been taking a while) and up until now, I have been putting off reading through certain Old Testament books, the four gospels and Revelation, just cos they were way too long! For those out there who are thinking, 'How bout Psalms missy?!?' I shall reply to you politely, that Pslams was alright because it had some really short chapters which made me think I was reading through it super fast! - so there!

Just finished reading the book of Matthew recently... And it wasn't too bad a read hey... Growing up as a Christian, I reckon I would have read through the book of Matthew mostly anyway through Bible studies, sunday school, and Sunday services, but reading through it in one shot was pretty interesting. There were some things that particularly stood out to me:

1. The way that Jesus really fulfilled so many prophecies in the few years of His ministry - it was absolutely amazing to read them one after another! I never really realised how many He really fulfilled!
2. The way that Jesus was constantly teaching His disciples. The disciples said and did so many dumb things (things that I would do and say all the time), yet Jesus was still so patient with them and would still choose to lovingly correct them and teach them.
3. Those Pharisees and Saducees! Absolutely shocking the way they acted, but strangely, you can still see some Pharisee-type behaviour today in churches too. Jesus wasn't happy with them then, and I don't think He will be happy with them now either! In the wise words of Dr Gary Cohen during the conference: The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing - True dat Dr C!

So in the end, it probably wasn't necessary for me to put young Matty into the 'too-hard-basket'. The next one on the list now is Marky Mark!

No! Not that one! (just keeping you on your toes! hehe)

lest we forget...

Happy Anzac Day everyone!

Thank God for the Public Holiday! I really needed to have a bit of a break today so it couldn't have come at a better time.

proceed with caution

We went to Gelare's today (by the way, affogatos at Gelare's are pretty fantastic - they use vanilla bean icecream! MMMMmmm) after Prayer Meeting and the topic of Blogs came up. It was mentioned that Blogs may not be that great because they encourage you to write what's on your mind, and what is on your mind may not necessarily be edifying to those who read what you write.


So I just want to say to those who read this blog (which apprently are more than I orginally thought :o - hello to all of you by the way!) that what I write on this blog may not always be right, but I am not perfect - and it is through this blog that I am trying to keep walking on the path that leads to perfection. I try wherever I can to keep posts edifying and encouraging but I am a pretty random person sometimes and occasionally, this randomness seeps onto my blog. So sorry in advance - and I will do my best to be a blogger with purpose!

Hope that is OK with you all - and thanks to those who have stopped by and said Hi too! Lovin you all from here! =) Keep the comments coming!

- Disclaimer ends here -

contentment

I find myself listening to a lot of music and reading a lot of books that say that Jesus is all that we need and with Him alone, we have everything. And every time I hear these songs, or read these books, I find myself agreeing and saying Yeah, that's right! Jesus is all that I need and all that I want - what more could I want? what is even worth wanting other than a relationship with Christ?! And pretty much a few minutes after thinking that I will be lying in bed, sitting on the bus, sitting at my desk at work, walking along the road, driving my car, doing my thing and thinking about all the things that I want and how they will make me happy: buying something, eating some good food, starting a relationship, getting a job promotion, losing some of my muffin top =)... And then I feel bad that I can't even be content with just God for longer than it takes to finish listening to the song, or reading the chapter of the book /Bible.

Isn't that shocking? What makes me feel the worst is that God knows my thought life too and He therefore knows that despite my profession of love for Him and Him alone, I really am cheating on Him by wanting all these other things too. Dunno how He finds it in His heart to keep forgiving me and wanting to keep loving me... I wouldn't tolerate that kind of hypocrisy any day. But God is God and I am me.

Again, I don't really know how to find full satisfaction in God alone, but I guess it has something to do with realising that the things that distract me from my relationship with God are really (most of the time) from God - and it is totally wrong to love the gift more than the Giver. That's the problem with my mind, as I have shared in previous posts, I am one forgetful soul, and I find that the things I have 'learnt' and subsequently share with others, I will usually be telling myself as well because I need to be told again and again and again. The Lord knows that He will never be done with this soul until she is in Heaven with Him.

It reminds me of the song 'He's Still Working on Me' which goes like this:

There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
'Don't judge me yet, there's an unfinished part'
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hand

He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just His word to make the moon and the stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How lovingly and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

In the mirror of His word, reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me;
But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

I find great comfort in knowing that God is the author and finisher of my faith and that I am one of His works of art. He knows exactly what He wants to do with me, and what He wants to turn me into and I find that really exciting! Who better to mould and shape me than the One who put the stars in the sky and the One who holds the universe in His hand?

Jesus plus nothing equals everything!

my little reading hole

I decided about one month or so ago that I was going to rearrange my room to make it more livable and in the process I ended up with a little hole of nothing between my desk and my wardrobe - it looked a bit odd and I was a tad disappointed that after all my lugging of furniture, there was a big ol hole. It was not until I realised that one thing that I had been meaning to do more of this year was to read the Bible more and to get back into reading spiritual books. So I decided to convert my hole of nothingness to my hole of reading. It's not that glamarous, and it has a dumb name that I only thought of 5 minutes ago, but I like it. I started using it for the first time tonight and it was great!

Now that I have a place for it, I quite like reading. My dad has always encouraged me from a young age to read and I think when I was younger I used to read quite a bit. But in recent years I have read less and in the past year, I think I have hardly read at all. I'm kinda bad tho, because I start reading like 10 books and never finish any of them. Right now, I'm alright - I have about 5 books going and the Bible - and in the Bible I am reading through Matthew only, rather than trying to read several books at a time (it gets confusing when you do this!)

that's my hole!

My hole is equipped with a comfy beanbag, a little side table, books, Bible, journal and pens/highlighters. Hopefully it will continue to be a reading hole and not the dust-covered hole of neglected-reading.

me and my big mouth

In church today, Pastor Ed said some things in his sermon that were pretty convicting for me... The first thing he mentioned was complaining - uh oh! He talked about how in Bob Jones University, there is a no-complaining policy where students were not allowed to complain about anything on campus - so if the food they ate was bad, or if they didn't like the way something was run, they were not to complain about it and instead be thankful. This part of the sermon really convicted me because I reckon I tend to whinge and complain quite a bit. So that will be quite a challenge for me to really be thankful more instead of complaining. God will definitely have to intervene on that one - He has a lot of work to do!!

The other part that convicted me was when Pastor Ed said that we ought to be watchful of the things we say... He said, when we are about to open our mouth to say something, we should ask ourselves 4 questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary? and
4. Is it glorifying to God?

After a brief self-analysis, I have to say that if I was to truly put that into practice, I would not have much to say. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like a totally whingey, mean and gossipy person (at least I honestly don't think I am), but I do find that a lot of the things I say are not necessarily glorifying to God and not necessarily necessary either. Even when we were in the car later, I remember I had a conversation with Adrian (my bro) which went something like this:

Rowena: saying something (I can't remember what)
Adrian: was that necessary?'
Rowena: shut up Adrian
Adrian: was that kind?
Rowena: another poorly thought out comment - probably slightly derogatory to Adrian
Adrian: was that true? and was that glorifying to God

So I had essentially failed to put any of that message into practice and had failed the test immediately after being taught! Once again, God has heaps of work left on me to do!

Elisabeth Elliot once said:

When men talk too much, sin is never far away; common sense holds its tongue

Some other wise words from a certain bunny named Thumper to a certain fawn named Bambi come to mind:

If you can't say nothin nice, don't say nothin at all

It is definitely a difficult thing to tame the tongue. In the Bible, James says it best when he describes the tongue as something along the lines of an 'unruly evil full of deadly poison'. There is a sermon by Greg Mazak that deals with the topic of the tongue very well, and in that sermon, he says that what we say is a reflection of what is in our hearts. So really, when I look at myself and see the types of things that I say, I can see that I seriously need to fix up some things in my heart as a starting point.

I really admire those brothers and sisters in church and even non-Christians who are so good with what they say - these are the types of people who would never say a bad thing about anyone else and who seem to always see things positively. Of course, some of these people may be either naive or fake, and may be purposefully putting up a goody-goody front for show. But those who are truly genuine are so awesome - and I have so much respect for them (there are some people like that - believe it or not!). Of course we all slip up once in a while, but the important thing is that we keep trying. If God is never going to give up on us, then we should definitely keep trying to help Him help us!

Better leave it there... I'm afraid if I say anything more it will be unecessary!

something from a wise old saint...

I bought this book today called 'The Confessions of Saint Augustine' and started reading it on the bus on the way home from work. One part of the first chapter really made me think and I read it over and over again. My deduction so far? Augie was a wise old saint... I have typed it out below:

You cannot change, yet You change everything.

You are never new, yet never old.

You make all things new, yet conquer the proud with old age before they know of its approach.

You are ever working, yet ever at rest.

You are still gathering yet You lack nothing.

You are still supporting, filling, overspreading; still creating, nourishing, and maturing; still seeking, although You have all things.

You love without yearning, are jealous without bitterness; share our regret without self-reproach; express anger without losing serenity.

When all others fail to propose, Your purpose remains unchanged.

You receive what You found yet had never lost.

You are never in need yet rejoice in what you gain.

You never covet yet exact excessive payments, so that You may owe.

Yet who has anything that is not already Yours?

You pay debts when You owe nothing, but in remitting debts You lose nothing.

miss mauds

mezza getting harrassed by the piano guy

way too full from miss maud smorgasbord right now...

we went there today for mezza's birthday and as usual, the Asian in me came through and I pigged out big-time. If it weren't for the fact that the oysters were really not that fantastic, I think I would be even more sickly right about now - so thank God! haha

gasbagging

I love a good gasbag... Those who know me will know that when I am feeling up to it, I can talk til the cows come home. According to 'the NEO' I am pretty low on the domain for 'agreeableness' which means I don't always agree with what people say. Some might reckon thats a bad trait but I think it has allowed me to really think about things and accept things to be true or agree with things only when I believe them to be true - rather than believing or agreeing with people because I don't have the guts to disagree. I dunno, maybe I'm just a right cow - dude... I hope not!

Anyway, I don't really know why I posted this up, I guess it's cos recently I have been really seeking out to have real deep conversations with people and since I haven't really been able to move beyond the realm of talking rubbish, I thought I would have a deep and meaningful all by myself hahah..

On another note, I really love this song by Brooke Fraser called 'Faithful'. It's on her new album, Albertine, which I reckon is pretty great... the chorus goes like this:

When I can't feel You,
I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear You,
I know You will hear every word I pray
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You, maybe I'm made more faithful

cool change

I love this weather!

Boots, scarves, stockings, coats, gloves, beanies, uggies, flannelette PJs, oats for brekky, hot chocolate, heaters, reading indoors, hugs from mum to keep warm, fog coming out of your mouth when you talk, rain pitter-pattering on the roof, thunderstorms, hot comfort foods, doonas, bed socks, winter trees, hot water bottles, coffee, open fires, umbrellas, driving through huge puddles of water, hail, freezing cold mornings, hands in pockets to keep warm...

well maybe it's not quite cold enough yet for a lot of the above, but still.. winter is coming and i am SOOOOoooOOOOOooooOOO excited! I love it!

bewdeefull conference

this is a pic of me, the cohens and my bro - caleb

I just want to say first off that the conference was great.

I really enjoyed my past week at the Bible Conference at Geographe Bay. Although I had real difficulty getting to sleep on 3 out of 4 nights, I still managed to stay awake for most activities – and God really gave me the sustenance to get through the whole conference on minimal sleep (as He always does). Also, I really had a great time with my roomies in villa 62 (Dorcas, Merilyn, Eileen, John & Michelle) and I really enjoyed villa-time eating, drinking, singing, cooking, sleeping, grooming, feeding ducks, watching Discovery Channel crime shows, and everything in between with the girls (and fellow).

The speaker, Dr Gary Cohen, is a converted Jew (he has a cool Jewish accent and kept saying that everything was 'bewdeefull' hehe)who accepted Christ as a young child. He shared about how he became a Christian and his testimony was so incredible. He pretty much bought the wrong Bible (one with a new testament), read it, believed it and became a Christian! He shared with us how, after years of his family rejecting him, many of them came to receive Christ as well (through many different ways – including through a television evangelist!). It was a truly incredible and encouraging testimony.

But the whole reason for the conference was to learn about the book of Revelation. The message that spoke to me most was the one about the seven letters from Jesus to the seven churches. Basically, the letters were written to encourage them as well as to warn them about the problems he saw within each one. When Dr Cohen shared this message, I was greatly convicted because nearly every warning from Jesus seemed to be applicable in my own spiritual life. Jesus encouraged the churches by telling them that God knows their situation and the struggles that they face and gave them the advice to repent, hold fast, be watchful, and pray for God to help give them the strength, opportunity and resources to get right with Him and start doing His work. This is pretty much exactly what I need to do too.

I spent time during the free time to identify barriers that are stopping me from getting closer to God and I have spent time in prayer asking God to help me overcome these things. I am glad that I did that, but I also felt a bit lost as to where to go and what to do from that point onwards. I guessed that it was probably just to keep up the prayer and to spend time with God. But on the way home, Truc confirmed this with me when she said to me when you start spending a lot of time with someone, you start to think like them – so the same goes when you spend more time with God, you will end up thinking more like Him too. I think that was pretty good advice – thanks Truc! I guess now the challenge is to follow that advice.

I ended up coming back early and skipping the Albany leg of the trip because of the tiredness catching up on me. I really wanted to join my family in Albany but I also thought that it was important for me to be able to go to work on Monday with a clear, rested and alert mind, and knowing that I would be away until late Sunday night with my rellies, I thought it would be best to skip that trip and continue to pray for my parents and brothers from home. I really ask the Lord that that they will have the opportunity and courage to witness to the rellies.

spiritual r & r

Tomorrow I will be off to my church's Bible Conference.

www.bpcwa.org.au/conference

People have been asking me if I feel excited about the conference and at first my automatic answer to them was 'not really'. I guess at the time, I wasn't really looking forward to it because I wasn't that sure that it was worth me taking time off work to attend the conference. My hesitations came mostly because all the talk about the conference seemed to be about what people wanted to do in their free-time and how much tennis and volleyball they could play. That didn't really appeal to me - not because I don't like sports (because I do love sports), but because that kind of thing can be done while I am still working - i.e. I don't have to (and wouldn't usually) take leave to do things like that.

So yeah, I was kinda regretting the decision. But then I had a chat to Truc and she basically said that the conference will be what I make it to be... I will get out of it what I put in basically - so I decided that this coming week will be my time of spiriutal rest and relaxation.

My spiritual life has been a bit dodgy for about a year now. Ever since I started working I have slipped further and further away from God and have relly struggled in getting back to a close relationship with Him - I feel as though I am far from it still. I think around my Birthday last year, I had a bit of a spiritual check-up with myself and started to take some active steps in getting right with God. In December we had camp, which was a good spiriutal boost for me, but in the recent months, I have found that I have started to slip away again. It frustrates me when I see myself like this, because I not only feel like a hypocrite in church and stuff, but I also feel like I am treating the God who loves me and cares for me like dirt. And I hate that.

So I think tomorrow (or should I say later today), I will use the time at the conference to get right with God once again and put together a plan to keep right with Him. I have put together my little pack of things to work through like:

my Bible

highlighters and pens for my own study

books - I am taking some of the ones I am trying to read through as well as...

a book by wayne mack - which is a collection of biblical counselling homework sheets that I can use for reflection

one of my many unused journals for writing down thoughts and things learnt

my guitar

my mp3 player loaded with sermons and songs

walking shoes and

chocolate (hehe)

I just want to thank God also for giving me caring brothers and sisters in Christ who have noticed that I haven't been my true self for a while and who have been praying for me. There was a time last year where I got upset when people told me they were praying for me (at the time I got offended and even angry - I tried to hide this, but I think it came through sometimes too). So if you have been praying for me, and I have been a right cow back at you, thankyou so much and I am so sorry!

I do really want to get right with God again. I know that going to the conference isn't going to be an instant fix, but I am sure it will be a start - so I am glad to say that I am now looking forward to the conference and using the time to hang out with my Lord and God, whilst checking out His beautiful creation!

I should also mention that we are going to go to Albany after the conference with my rellies, so if anyone reads this, please pray that they will have the faith to believe in God.

lazy blogger

For someone who is a self-confessed techno-phobe... I think I am doing alright with this blog thing... I'm keeping pretty regular blog-wise (you could have read that SOOOO wrong) and I am starting to get my head around editing html to make it do stuff that I want it to do (like paste in videos from 'the tube')... very basic stuff I know - but it's a pretty big step for me so back off alright?? haha

I came across a thing called God Tube today... pretty funny stuff on there - some very random stuff too. This video made me laugh - I wonder if it will work... Something to put to the evangelism committee in the future I guess =) (just kidding). Anyways, hope you all had a good easter today - I for one, have eaten way too much chocolate!

joy vs happiness

Although the fig tree shall not blossom,
neither shall fruit be in the vines;
the labour of the olive shall fail,
and the fields shall yield no meat;
the flock shall be cut off from the fold,
and there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

I learnt something interesting today. Joy is different from happiness - yeah! You'd think they were kinda the same thing but happiness is the result of happenings around you and joy is from the inside. The verse above describes happenings that would usually cause us to be unhappy - no figs, no fruit, no erm.. olive work, no meat (that's something that would make me unhappy), no herds... yet Mr Habakkuk (or the person who wrote this book) says we should be joyful despite this because our rejoicing comes in the Lord, our joy is in the God of our salvation. The Message translation of verse 18 says: I'm singing joyful praise to God. I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.

I often find myself in church feeling sorry for myself for the things that happen in my life and thinking to myself, with all the crap that's happened to me recently, how could I possibly sing praises to God? I think that it's absolutely impossible to be happy with all the external stuff dragging me down.

But as I learnt today, joy isn't like that. Joy is inward. Joy is from God. You can be unhappy because of the things that happen to you but you can be joyful at the same time. Cool huh? So essentially, saying that you are too unhappy to praise God is being selfish and self-involved. I need to continue to tell myself that it's not about me, it's all about GOD. I still don't think I understand this whole concept, but just that small bit of info has helped me learn more about myself.

Fact of the matter is that despite the dissappointments and happiness-killing-things that happen in life, we should always continue to praise God because He is worthy to be praised!

rellies in town

That's a picture of my grandma and auntie... she looks cute eh?

My rellies are coming over tomorrow morning, none of the ones pictured incidently, but they are from my mum's side of the family and when I think of them, I usually think of my grandma hence the link to the picture. My rellies are really cool. They are pretty easy-going and they laugh really easily - all I have to do is try to speak Thai and they absolutely lose it... Hmm maybe that might just be my dodgy-language-skills... Nah, it's cos I'm FUNNY! **in denial**

None of them have ever come to Australia before (I don't think they have anyway), and I am pretty excited to show them around this awesome country! Well as you know, they aren't saved - YET! But me and my family are hoping to use the few weeks they are here to start planting the gospel seed, so if you are reading this, please keep us in prayer! We are going down to Albany next weekend... Hopefully there will be opportunities then :)

And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

Acts 16:31

Good Friday

I saw this video on YouTube and thought it would be appropriate for Good Friday. Every time I see this, tears well up in my eyes as I realise just how much my Saviour loves me. He went through all this suffering, shame and torture for all the things that I do without even thinking. That was the ultimate demonstration of love. Often as Christians, we make light of what He did for us and really only remember the sacrifice He made for us and the suffering He went through once a year on Good Friday. I mean, it is a good thing to remember this on Good Friday, but why just once a year?

Anyway, I hope the video touches your heart like it did mine. I have posted the lyrics of the song by Joel Engle below.

Lord, please help me to never forget what You did for me. May Your love continue to be by teacher and may my love for You continue to grow and motivate me to do and be all I can for You alone.

Joel Engle - Shadow Of Your Cross

Lamb of God, Son of man how you suffered how You bled

With a crown of thorns pressed upon Your head

You chose the road of pain You walked the hill of all my shame, all my shame

In the shadow of Your cross, I will live for all my days

How could I forget the price You paid?

In the shelter of Your love I will give You all my praise

In the shadow of Your cross I will stay

Man of sorrows crucified pure and holy sacrifice

As the hammer hit the nail You offered up Your life

You gave up heaven for Your own

You took our punishment alone

You were so alone

O King of Majesty

Forever I will sing

Of the gift You gave to me

You gave to me

current reading

Revelation, Leviticus, 2 Samuel, Matthew

Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren (this is my second time through though)

Tired of to-do-list Christianity? - Scott Morton

The Path of Loneliness - Elisabeth Elliott

The Divine Art of Soulwinning - J. Oswald Sanders